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Thursday, November 25th, 2010

Subject:The Prodigal Dreamer
Time:7:19 am.
There is a person in my life now who I cannot shake from my thoughts. She haunts me in the most wonderful of ways. I return here now to write about her, to dream, to believe, and to begin anew. I can only hope that this is the last of my resurrections.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

Subject:Here I am
Time:5:35 am.
I am here at college. I tried to get a girlfriend. She was crazy. She left and came back and said I needed fixing. Fix me she thinks. The lies are woven around our encounters.
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Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

Time:9:53 pm.
I will play my part now. I am going back to school. I am open, I love my life, and I won't look back. Phoenix, you truly are my daughter in life and family.
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Thursday, August 2nd, 2007

Time:6:30 am.
I think Dickens would have written again about this age. It was the best of the times, it was the worst of times.

Ok, I'm transferring to a new apartment, I've decided that it's going to be a new life.For once, I might actually get what I want.
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Subject:A low low
Time:4:10 am.
I'm in the artist lair-cave.
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Thursday, March 29th, 2007

Subject:The Frog Out Of Hot Water
Time:5:07 pm.
Now it seems I've grown my legs. I've managed to find the source of my troubles. I Feel Great.
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Tuesday, March 27th, 2007

Time:4:54 pm.
"Time and Pressure"
-Shawshank Redemption

I love life now. I am going to save the world from its madness, or at least do my best. My book is coming along swimmingly. lol. I've been talking to all sorts of different types of people. I don't take this all too seriously, but I know what I have to do. I am balanced for once. I have a lot of problems I need to work out, but I'm going to make this happen.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, December 5th, 2006

Subject:Thinking abroad
Time:8:13 pm.
I think I'll try to get a job teaching English in China. It would be interesting to see my country from a distance. I'm told I would a good journalist. I thought of a quote actually: "To the Oppressors, everything is just; for the oppressed, justice is everything." I keep popping these quotes out. If only I were famous. I'll find my niche...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, December 1st, 2006

Subject:Balance again.
Time:12:24 am.
I felt something to the other day. I felt the tree rising in me. I am going to start a new project after a finish my short story. Perhaps I can do this. Perhaps I can escape the place that I'm in. Everything seems so fake and full of foam. Anyway, I'll be hack very soon.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

Subject:We, the determined silent and untouchedably untouched, shop on...
Time:5:59 am.
Man burns himself to Death In Anti War protest

By Associated Press

11/05/06 -- -CHICAGO (AP) -- Malachi Ritscher envisioned his death as one full of purpose. He carefully planned the details, mailed a copy of his apartment key to a friend, created to-do lists for his family. On his Web site, the 52-year-old experimental musician who'd fought with depression even penned his obituary.

At 6:30 a.m. on Nov. 3 -- four days before an election caused a seismic shift in Washington politics -- Ritscher, a frequent anti-war protester, stood by an off-ramp in downtown Chicago near a statue of a giant flame, set up a video camera, doused himself with gasoline and lit himself on fire. "Here is the statement I want to make. ... "If one death can atone for anything, in any small way, to say to the world: I apologize for what we have done to you, I am ashamed for the mayhem and turmoil caused by my country."

"This man killed himself in such a painful way ... to get our attention...," said Jennifer Diaz, a grad student researching Ritscher's life. "I'm not going to sit by, and I can't sit by, and let this go unheard."

So we shop as Iraq burns. We shop as our soldiers, marines, airmen, and sailors die. We the people shop under god and shop while his divine whisper is desperately seeking ears erupting from a burning men and martyrs.

A sick joke that voices must overcome our comfort before they can reach our conscience through the painful end of a man's life.

A sick joke: We shop because it feels good.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, November 13th, 2006

Subject:A Review For Future Reviews
Time:8:15 pm.
Mood:Jonathan Swift.
My eyes are tired. Perhaps I spend too much time typing on the computer. I found I was developing some nice cramps in my wrists. They make me proud but unlike a guitar player's callouses, I cannot show them off to passers by and strangers and local folk. Local folk wouldn't care anyway though. Reading is not particularly prevalent in this part of the country.

Common sense is rare here too like most places, but here it is virtually annihilated by the insanity forced upon those that have it from those that don't.

A friend I haven't talked to in months IMed me a link to end drug abuse abruptly, saying he can't associate with me until I stop destroying myself. How thoughtful... considering his long vacation from friendly contact. Coming back strong I see. His history with drugs lends him a lot of credibility to that affect. Contrary to popular belief, however, the lives of other people are not still-life. Surprisingly, this includes mine. I mean, I'm sure he means well... but after I had tried to contact him before with no return of my messages without any explanation, the words, though strong, are curious. What is famously referred to by social scientists as IMIT or "Instant Message Intervention Technique" has had questionable results in field studies. Most statisticians point to the possible reason for its failure to the fact that it was indeed and IM that suggested to the consumer (the alleged addict) that the product (the belated instant message) is somehow ineffective. The reason for this trend in the social marketplace is explained by resident Rennaissance man and social scientist, Hugh Manatee, and I quote:

"The numbers have suffered a continuous downward trend since the advent of electronic communications. People point to insincerity, but I believe, and there's a wealth of literature that has been produced to this effect, that the problem is in the way interventions normally work... [the intervention] is usually done by people who actually DO associate with the person in question."

At which point, Hugh chuckled and explained:

"I can definately see the consumer being disenchanted with the idea of IMIT because whole idea of that arbitrary social device is to convince a person to avoid losing a good friend, but if a friend is not in contact with someone, that person might be inclined to think that he or she is not that great a friend anyway so no contact with them would just maintain the status quo or could even backfire and cause a person to be tempted to do drugs just to spite them. (chuckle)"

Hugh Manatee's large stomach rumbled as he chuckled and left the interview.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, November 12th, 2006

Subject:A few things to drop
Time:10:10 am.
The election is over. I worked hard to get people to vote. I can't write to this as much as I used to. I miss the feeling, but the fact is that I'm starting to try to put my creative efforts into writing fiction. I can't stand to read fiction unless it is somehow relevant. Strangely, in between writing poetry, I have been reading political books. I have been obsessed with the direction this country is taking. I suppose I really feel I need to try to save the world. I was trying to talk to someone last night and he made himself so completely obnoxious, I just had to walk out of my apartment. He is my roommate's friend. It's strange that he doesn't have any of the traits of his friends. I mean, his two main friends are assholes, the kind you just can't stand like the feeling of a chilly breeze on a cavity. They are loud, dominant personalities that can't stand not to be the center of attention while they make sure that they enjoy the physical and intellectual primacy of the room. I haven't told them, but so much of what they say would fit snugly in a straight-jacket, and not in the "good crazy" sense. My roommate is almost oppposite though. I guess that makes up for it. I let them have their ratttle.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, October 30th, 2006

Subject:Then Again
Time:1:52 am.
I've come back to this place. I guess I don't have much to say about my life as it is. I want to do so many things, but something is wrong with me. I feel incomplete and unmotivated. I've done everything to force myself to become a writer, but something in me still resists. I lack patience. It's difficult, however, to learn patience when one's entire life seems like waiting. I stood up to a guy twice my size last night never even winced. I felt good about that. He backed down. There's nothing more troubling than the fact that I can't clearly see my path. I have a maxim though that I will add to the Khan's arsenal of quotes: Without clairvoyance, there is destiny. We don't know our destiny and we're not supposed to know it I suppose. Anyway, I'll be checking in from time to time.
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Friday, July 21st, 2006

Time:5:57 am.
For everyone to read. That was my first play.
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Time:1:51 am.

9 Parts

Valentine, Lily, Marcus Peters, Deborah, extras for minimal parts

Act 1 Scene 1

(A truck in a parking lot of a convenient store; VALENTINE is walking toward the truck and LILY is sitting in the passenger seat; VALENTINE has a bottle of orange juice in his hand and LILY looks apparently distressed)

VALENTINE: Are you ok? I heard voices in there.
LILY: Yes, I am ok.
VALENTINE: Who were you talking to?
LILY: Nobody. I just sing when I am alone; it makes me feel better.
VALENTINE: Really? No you don't.
LILY: I just started.
VALENTINE: (a little confused) I'm sorry. Well, I'm back and we're ready to go!
LILY: But, baby, I thought we had an agreement! Valentine; Valentine are you listening to me?!
VALENTINE: Of course, love; I am always listening to you. You should know that...You are the most important thing to me.
LILY: But I thought we had an agreement!
VALENTINE: That's why I told you to stay in the truck...
LILY: Why do you do that?! You left me out here all alone! You just don't know what it's like being all alone! It seems like an eternity to me...like death...
VALENTINE: Well I was only gone for 15 minutes. Isn't this being a little melodramatic?
LILY: It's you! It's just you! You just don't see how it is alone in the darkness. You can't see! You can't be where I am!
VALENTINE: ...ok(confused).
LILY: What am I supposed to do when you leave me like this?
VALENTINE: Adopt; adapt and improve...(as he puts a paper square in his mouth and sips fruit juice).
LILY: ( a little mad) I guess that is your intellectual way of saying tough titty, huh?!
VALENTINE: No you don't understand, baby. I meant you have to take a bad situation and make some use out of it. Lily, love, I can't always here for you just as you can't always be there for me.
LILY: But I AM always here for you!
VALENTINE: I know... That is part of the problem. You are always here. You and nobody else. It's just me and you. I guess that can be a good thing as in you and me against the world or for the world...Or better yet, against the and for the world at the same time like super heroes...
LILY: I just love you so much, Valentine. Maybe it's because you can't be bound by agreements. I mean I guess I would not even be here if you weren't such a free sprit. I love you very much and don't want to let go.
VALENTINE: I love you too.
LILY: Valentine, can I ask you something?
VALENTINE: Yes, certainly anything baby.
LILY: (stuttering) I was thinking. Sometimes I start thinking that about love. I mean whether or not we are truly in love.
VALENTINE: Well, what is love?
LILY: I think it is what I feel for you.. but I don't know... but maybe I am mistaken.
VALENTINE: You define what love is. Everyone does. It is your choice (seems kind of sad; disturbed, teary eyed).
LILY: Well, then I love you more than anything in the world! Does that mean we are in love?
VALENTINE: There are many different types of love. Love is not just one thing. You can love a lot of things in different ways. You have to have a medium of shared communication or shared desire.
LILY: What you mean like interests?
VALENTINE: In a way, but it is more like a way of living, a way of life like the Chinese say the Tao.
LILY: Ohhh. So does it involve religion?
VALENTINE: In a sense. It is basically filling in the gaps in our lives with people who have the same problems while we can fill their gaps in as well, like a jigsaw puzzle. Does that make any sense to you?
LILY: I think it does. So what is our medium?
VALENTINE: Our medium? ...Need. Yes, need is our medium. We need each other to survive.
LILY: That sounds wrong somehow. Is that wrong?
VALENTINE: No; because everybody needs somebody. We all have to help each other, my love.
LILY Are you trying to make this (stuttering) anagulous ana anangu–
VALENTINE: – an analogous analysis?
LILY: (giggling) I mean analogous.
VALENTINE: There you go.
LILY: Analogous to symbiosis?
VALENTINE: Right. I didn't know you knew about symbiosis.
LILY: Sure I do. I mean I think I do. I think that it is about when one creature relies on another creature to survive, and they both fulfill a mutual need like a bird on a rhino. The bird eats the ticks off the rhino which feeds the bird and the rhino protects the bird, and the bird warns the rhino of danger.
VALENTINE: You are very smart, Lily.
LILY: Aww, you don't have to say that.
VALENTINE: Well, I feel it is my duty to tell the truth.
LILY: Well, thank you, my Valentine. That was very sweet. I love you so much.
VALENTINE: I love you too.. Have I ever told you about a person I grew up with?
VALENTINE: Just some kid I watched all the time. You know, I watch people a lot because for some reason they don't watch me. They don't like to look at me. I guess I was always different. This kid, he was different, too. He was very different. His name was Marcus Peters. I watched him throughout my childhood, intrigued by his oddities, his droll and naive nature, and I saw some things in him that really changed me, that really made me believe in some of the things I believe in now. You see, when he was a boy he liked to create things. He liked to make pictures, new things. He had an amazing imagination. He believed in himself and that he could stop death and pain for so many people. He had a simple goal of compassion and a driven intellect to make it happen. He believed in those values that he was taught as a child. He valued truth, character, loyalty bravery, but again and again he was put in situations with people who did not share these beliefs. He was promised things over and over that never happened. He was taunted; made fun of...He was hurt. They would beat him up. He lived down in the Deep South where once there was segregation between whites and blacks, and in a lot of ways there still is. The whites would beat him up for hanging out with blacks, and blacks would beat him for being white. He didn't belong with anyone really because he didn't understand why this why this was happening. Finally, one day, he was brought before a teacher who took him out into the hall and was told to hi the kid that bullied him the most... but he couldn't. The beatings and the hatred were all the other kids’ problems. I never truly understood why the teacher would do that. It was because she wanted to show the bully and his friends how gentle and nonviolent Mark was. In a way, it really moved me and explained a great deal of aspects of human nature and how to deal with it. I've remembered that knowledge whenever I have been in trouble.
LILY: Wow...You never told me this before.
VALENTINE: Yes, I think it was because I never truly understood the significance of the event until recently.
LILY: What caused you to understand this?
VALENTINE: I'm a little embarrassed to tell you this, but it was meeting you actually. Someone as sweet and beautiful as you are is as rare a thing as I thought but it is in all of us. But you have to know where to look (VALENTINE starts to shed some tears and smiles gently) Lily I want to tell you something but I don't know how. There is a lot I want to tell you about life, about me, about what I have seen, but I can't explain it. I can't find the words. Basically... I want... I
LILY: ...Yes, Valentine?
VALENTINE: I want to give you something...
LILY: Give me what, baby? All I need is you...
VALENTINE: (tearing up) You have given me so much love and hope. I want to repay you. You are too good for me. I want to give you what you deserve more than that you have been given in life more that what you have been dealt in life. You deserve everything. I want to give you a life!

Act 1 Scene 2
(The rock, mountain hiking trail)
LILY: Come on, Valentine. What is taking you so long?
VALENTINE: (Coughing and wheezing) I am not as young as you are and not nearly as light. You're as light as a feather you know...
LILY: You can make it. You told me you wanted to show me something up here.
VALENTINE: Yes, there is a place up here where you can see a lot of things below in the town in the valley. Seeing things moving, seeing things relating to each other... makes me calm.
LILY: Mmm, sounds exciting. Why aren't you as quick as you used to be, Valentine?
VALENTINE: ... Because a lot of things have happened to me that have broken my spirit...
LILY: But you are so full of spirit, Valentine!
VALENTINE: Actually it is because I have you. You are my spirit, love. You are my reason to go on (HUFFING).
LILY: Aww! Valentine, that is so sweet! I love you so much!
VALENTINE: I love you too...Ah, here we are! Here is the rock.
What do you see down there, Lily?
LILY: Wow... Lots of people, cars, houses, families; they are all connected.
VALENTINE: How does that make you feel you when you look at it?
LILY: Scared.
LILY: I think it's because I'm different from them somehow. I'm just not like them am I?
VALENTINE: No, you are very special, very unique. You are incredible. You saved my life. Those people down there don't know me. They would not do a thing for me, but you...You devoted yourself to me and saved me even as messed up as I am. I love you and can't ever repay you for that.
LILY: So what are we going to do now? Can we make love up here?
VALENTINE: I can't... do that with you. I am sorry. You can't know why...you know my problem; you know how afraid I am.
LILY: (LILY holds VALENTINE) It’s ok. Love can be made in other ways, you know like when you do something good for somebody and it creates something; it's the same concept isn't it.
VALENTINE: I suppose it is. You are smarter than I ever was, my love.
LILY: How can that be so?
VALENTINE: Because I couldn't accept those things as love. I couldn't understand them the way you give them I couldn't be as free as you and as beautiful as you are. Lily, can I talk to you about Marcus again?
LILY: Why do you keep talking about Marcus?
VALENTINE: He is part of who I am. I think he made a big impression on me. Throughout his childhood, he wanted to wanted to learn things. The things they taught him in school were just following directions and orders. Every time that he asked why, it would hurt because someone would do something to prevent him from knowing the answer. Suddenly, just out of the blue one day in seventh grade, he realized that although the world told him to be honest and true the world was never honest and true to him; so he asked himself and prayed to his god why.
Why am I told to do something then tear it apart? Why am I told to tell the truth and then to tell a lie? Why am I told to do these things when they don't want them to be done at all but they would like them to be done but not by me. My life is not worth it my life is a contradiction he thought.
LILY: How did you know him so well? Did he tell these things to you?
VALENTINE: Oh...Yes...Once when we were at a summer camp I remember, Yes, and I could see in his eyes the sincerity and healing he believed in. And he made me realize the simplicity and balance. And everyone told me that I was wrong and that I was full of shit and that everyone told me that I was a monster. They don't think that truth is real. That this is the way the world worked and I should be smart enough to realize that and stop wasting my time with truth...
LILY: That is so sad+ Why do you tell me these things?
VALENTINE: Because you love me, and I think that you should know how and why I work as a human being I suppose.
LILY: You are right. I love everything about you even the bad parts because they make you do good things. You try so hard to help people even when they turn you down and even when they betray you.
VALENTINE: We should probably talk about something else...
LILY: Ok what do you want to talk about?
VALENTINE: Anything, just not this.
LILY: (Bubbly) Wow...Anything. That is a broad subject, anything. Would you like to talk about what makes you happy?
VALENTINE: (smiling) You know I like ice cream. It makes me happy. People have told me not to eat ice cream so much but it makes me happy. Do you know how much effort that it takes to make it? All the right ingredients, the milk, the time, and effort all the things that we don't take time to taste or take notice of. Maybe that is the meaning of life: effort...to create something to make a difference because that is what life is, simply a difference from nothing, a higher form of matter that requires energy, matter, time, so many things at just the right moment.
LILY: What about love?
VALENTINE: What about it?
LILY: Isn't the meaning of life love?
VALENTINE: (Grows cold) No; love is just a necessary thing. It continues life. It is something else. Love is a burden. It is what we need but it can never make us happy.
LILY: I don't believe that.
VALENTINE: Why not? Are you happy?
LILY: (Timidly) Yes; I am happy. I'm happy because I am with you-
VALENTINE: (Stupefied)-No that doesn't make any sense! Why are you happy?! Because you are with me? Nobody is happy just being with me! Nobody was, everybody ran from me! I stayed by myself. How does being with me make you happy?!
LILY: Because you are so incredible, baby. You are smart, caring, a wonderful lover, and, above all, you care about things that really matter. That's more important to me than appearances, baby.
VALENTINE: You know; I am not really that smart nor am I that caring, love. You are... you are more than I ever will be. You are the quintessential ideal of love. You are so pure. You're loved. You belong here, and I don't, but, somehow, I am still here and the world has yet to experience you. You could do anything...
LILY: Valentine, do you believe in God?
VALENTINE: No. Not after I held my mother as she cried as father followed voices that told him to jump off the roof of our house... It’s just like Pavlov’s dogs. I believe that people are just another animal.
LILY: I believe in God, Valentine.
LILY: I said I believe in God.
VALENTINE: How can you believe in God
LILY I just know; I need something and it is there is there when I need it
VALENTINE: No, no you have got it all wrong; he is not there when you need him he is never there he will never be there he is dead he left us; we killed him; he wouldn't care anyway.
LILY: (Scared).: That's not true...
(VALENTINE holds head in hands in confusion)
VALENTINE: How can you see it that way? How is this possible? How can you...
LILY: Valentine, stop it! I just do! I don't want to not believe it! I have to believe it!
VALENTINE: I don't know what to say to you...
LILY: Something is happening that I don't understand that really scares me.
I want to tell you about it.
VALENTINE: I think I don't want to know. Who are you ? I don't know you!
LILY: You have known me for so long. You have to know me! Don't you remember?
VALENTINE: No, yes, I (starts to cry and LILY holds VALENTINE. on the rock)
LILY: See; there is a God; when there is nothing there is always someone to hold you as you cry. there is always somebody loving you
V: I am soooo sorry What have I done...?

Act 1 Scene 3

(VALENTINE falls asleep on the rock; and wakes up the next morning)

LILY: Valentine, wake up; Valentine, open your eyes; open your eyes; wake up
(VALENTINE wakes up )
VALENTINE: :How long was I out?
LILY: I don't know. It seemed like years; I don't know, I just stayed here holding you; as long as you were breathing, I felt ok.
VALENTINE: Do you want to go get something to eat?
LILY: Yes that would be very nice
(They walk down the mountain and talk as they go)
VALENTINE: I dreamed last night L (laughing)
LILY: (stutters) R- R-Really?
VALENTINE: laughs, really really lily really billy banilly, silly?
LILY: You are such a tease. Valentine, maybe you lot some brain cells on the mountain.
VALENTINE: We can only hope (smiles).
LILY: Valentine!
VALENTINE: I dreamed I could fly. I could move things with my mind and I was trying to use that power to tell people to stop the bad things they were doing to each other but it just made them more and more angry.
LILY: Ah, it wasn't like my dream.
VALENTINE: (Shocked) What dream?
LILY: My dream, I had a dream too
VALENTINE: No you didn't. That is not possible...only I can have dreams.
LILY: Valentine, stop it! Why are you doing this? Why am I not allowed to have dreams?
VALENTINE: You don't understand... It is not possible... How can you have dreams that I don't have?! Tell me about your dreams.
LILY: Well, I dreamed I was on a beach and it was raining and you were there and we were holding each other, and there was a black hole in the sky and we stared at it and we kept watching its swirling around like hypnosis and you kissed me and held me and then I woke up.
VALENTINE: Lily, where did you hear that? How did you know that?
LILY: I got it from the dream.
VALENTINE: But what inspired it? What was the source of that dream?
LILY: I don't know. It was original. It was me. I don't know what it means. What’s the matter?
VALENTINE: ...Nothing, nothing... I just think I have made a terrible mistake
LILY: Why can't you tell me?
VALENTINE: Because I don't understand what it is that I have done... I don't think that I have been a very good partner to you, love.
LILY: Don't say that, Valentine! I don't understand what is going on right now. Why are u acting this way?
VALENTINE: You are so beautiful. Lily, you deserve so much more than me, than this. I don't understand this; I was wrong; I believe in God! There is a God if there is you!
VALENTINE: (Looking weak) I think we should go get something to eat (holding hands).
LILY: ...Okay.
VALENTINE: Once more unto the breech, my friend.

Act II Scene 1
(Huddle House bathroom)
(VALENTINE is shaving)

LILY: Why do men shave?
VALENTINE: Because they want to look decent to other people.
LILY: So you are saying what is natural is indecent?
VALENTINE: Basically, yes. Being natural being or being one with nature, we would judge ourselves as animals.
LILY: But aren't we animals?
VALENTINE: In a way, yeah, but we are civilized.
LILY: Does that mean me we are better than other animals?
VALENTINE: No, it means we have learned a different way of living.
LILY: So that is why men, because men are civilized.
VALENTINE: I guess you could put it that way.
LILY: You know, I love mirrors.
VALENTINE: Why is that?
LILY: Because when I see myself in a mirror I am always smiling.
VALENTINE: You mean you never frown when you look into a mirror?
LILY: No, because every time I look into a mirror, you are there with me, and that makes me smile.
VALENTINE: (cuts himself) Ouch!
LILY: Why do you always cut yourself when you’re shaving?
VALENTINE: I have really coarse hair, Love.
LILY: I was thinking, Valentine about when you shave how women don't shave on their face usually and sort of makes the distinction between men and women so does that mean that women are attracted to men who look more like women?
VALENTINE: You know, I never really thought of it that way, but women are also attracted to other things that aren't considered very feminine.
LILY: Like what?
VALENTINE: Control, money, power perhaps...
LILY: Why aren't these things considered feminine?
VALENTINE: Well, I suppose it’s because women are more interested in family and mating with somebody who is powerful.
LILY: That can't be true with all women can it?
VALENTINE: I don't suppose so.
LILY: So let me get this straight. In order for a man to attract a women, he has to look more like her physically and be the opposite of her mentally.
VALENTINE: Well that is a very simple way of putting it. I don't know. I don't have all the answers. I haven't really had a lot of luck with women.
LILY: Well, you have me don't you?
VALENTINE: Yes. I am very lucky. I am lucky to have you. I am lucky to be the only one in the world to know you and how beautiful you are every day.
LILY: Well, I feel the same way. Just like looking in a mirror...
( they both laugh)
LILY: But, seriously, why haven’t you had much luck with women, baby?
VALENTINE: I suppose I am too sensitive. I am the opposite of the opposite it seems.
LILY: Would that make you gay?
VALENTINE: (laughing) Well, not by default, no. It just makes me very rare and alone, but I have you now, and I don't have to ever feel lonely again.
LILY: Well, do you want to know what I think? I think that whether or not you have a beard or a Mohawk or a three foot Afro, you would still be the most beautiful person in the entire world!
VALENTINE: Thank you, Lily I wish that all people thought like you...
LILY: I think it’s a good thing that people are different. Everyone is special.
VALENTINE: You believe that?
LILY: Of course I do. Don’t you?
VALENTINE: I think everyone has the potential to special. This world has the potential to be a utopia. It won’t be though.
LILY: But everyone is different. Doesn’t that make them special like they say snowflakes are different.
VALENTINE: I’m going to tell you a little secret. This society is so obsessed with individualism that they conform. So obsessed with freedom that they give it away to protect it. Nothing makes sense anymore.
LILY: But you’re not like that. You’re different.
VALENTINE: Thank you, but I’m rare like I said. Marcus...he did this experiment once. It’s kind of funny actually.
LILY: What does that have to do with what we are talking about?
VALENTINE: It was a social experiment, a people experiment.
LILY: He didn’t hurt anyone, did he?
VALENTINE: No...I told you he was nonviolent.
LILY: Right...so what did he do?
VALENTINE: (EXTRAS act out scene) When he was in high school, people were all packed into the lunch room to eat and he.... he would sit with different groups and chat. He didn’t belong to any clique or group. Well one day, he was sitting alone thinking...er I was sitting with him of course...and he was looking at the lines for food. It reminded him of machines, manufacturing. People followed each other like lemmings. He decided to get up and see if the same concept applied if a new program was introduced. He began to walk around the lunch table; it was a pretty large table, about 40 feet in length. He walked one lap around it. Nobody noticed. He walked a second. People noticed something out of order. He walked a third. By this time he had about three people walking behind him. Other’s asked why they were doing it. They didn’t know, just following him. Soon, he had 20 people behind him...
LILY: Wow... so you’re saying it’s a conditioned response?
VALENTINE: BINGO! You’re smart!
LILY: Nah, I just listen to you and remember what you say...
VALENTINE: I’m serious, you are very smart.
LILY: Thank you. So what happened next?
VALENTINE: What do you mean?
LILY: After Marcus got 20 people behind him. Did he get more?
VALENTINE: Oh, no, actually...He was stopped by the principal. Kind of funny actually... he said that if everyone did this it would be chaos, and Marcus replied, no actually it would be very orderly....
LILY: (laughing) That’s hilarious, Valentine!
VALENTINE: Yeah, partly because of truth.
LILY: There is truth in jest.
VALENTINE: I’ve heard that somewhere...
LILY: Shakespeare.
VALENTINE: (incredulous) I can’t believe you remembered that and I didn’t...
LILY: I guess I’m just a bigger Shakespeare fan than you.
VALENTINE: That’s...not possible.
LILY: (sighing) Typical Valentine ego.
VALENTINE: (shaking his head) I don’t know how to help you to understand because I don’t fully understand myself...
LILY: HA! Sounds like the genius is sputtering out, hehe!
VALENTINE: It’s not possible.
LILY: Alright, I was just kidding with you love...
VALENTINE: You must be in touch with my subconscious.
LILY: Aww, come on, You just said I was smart.
VALENTINE: Not that smart.
LILY: Valentine...please, don’t go off on me again. I can’t take it.
VALENTINE: I’m sorry...you know, you are the genius now. I’m a fool.
LILY: Nah, you’re just silly and I’m in love with you.
VALENTINE: Yes, I’m quite silly. We are quite silly. We are one...

Act II Scene 2
(in an industrial museum)

VALENTINE: I have to show you some things today, and I have to talk to you about some very serious subjects.
LILY: What sort of “serious subjects?”
LILY: Hehe, but you’re always complaining about how broke you are!
VALENTINE: I don’t consider it a joking matter... we’re changing.
LILY: Aren’t we now? Well, there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as I have you, I can brave Armageddon! What’s that song...Stand By Me?
VALENTINE: (smiling faintly) Let’s try to be mature...
LILY: Okay, my love. Wow, look at this place! I mean most people find this sort of stuff dull, but I think it’s fascinating. I feel like that old guy in James Bond looking at all these inventions.
LILY: YES! That’s the one. For me, it’s kind of exciting. Of course, we don’t get out much.
VALENTINE: Yes, I’m sorry about that. I wanted to take you out in public for once.
LILY: It’s ok. I was wondering though. Why don’t we go out in public more often?
VALENTINE: (nervous) ...Because I like...being alone with my love.
LILY: Aww, you’re sweeter than a bundle of raspberries. I love raspberries.
VALENTINE: No...just selfish.
LILY: Not at all! You just want me all to yourself, and, honey, whenever you are ready to make love, you can have me any way you want...
VALENTINE: ...Let’s look at the exhibits.
LILY: Of course, yes, the exhibits. We can have our own “exhibition” later. Hehe. I crack myself up.
VALENTINE: Keep it up. Your laugh calms me.
LILY: (blushing) Thanks. Do you find nerds attractive?
VALENTINE: Well, actually very much so. They’re cute. Why? Do you think you’re a nerd?
LILY: Well, you should know, but YES! I mean, I love museums. And this one... I know it’s just off the highway, but I think it’s so interesting, all these different gadgets. How do people imagine all these things in their heads and make them real? Before they make all the parts to put them together?
VALENTINE: People can do amazing things over enough time with enough pressure with enough force... inspiration. They can create things that are really unique and beautiful, something that was unreal before they made it. What do you think of that, Lily. What does that make you feel? Does it...make you realize anything?
LILY: Other than the literal sense of what you’re saying? Not really...
VALENTINE: I suppose it’s art, you know, invention. Art with a purpose. You..have a purpose Lily.
LILY: Well, duh. God made me, and you love me.
VALENTINE: Actually...ironic I guess.
LILY: What do you mean?
VALENTINE: Nothing. You’re just a little backwards.
LILY: No, my dear. (Turns around) NOW, I am backwards. I can walk backwards too, see?
VALENTINE: I see you, baby...Do you agree, though, art with a purpose?
LILY: Well yes and no.
LILY: I guess these inventions can be considered art with a purpose, but personally, I think art has a purpose already.
VALENTINE: (scoffing) What purpose?
LILY: (a little taken aback) To inspire people, to make them feel things.
VALENTINE: And they don’t already feel things?
LILY: That’s silly; of course they do, but art makes them... feel it whenever they want to...and understand those feelings, and understand each other, yes.
VALENTINE: (sarcastically) Learn something new everyday...
LILY: What do you mean, love?
VALENTINE: You can spout a lot bullshit just like the rest of these people...
LILY: VALENTINE! Why do you do this?
VALENTINE: Allow me to enlighten you, love. I hate to embarrass you in front of all these people, but I think it’s something you should realize by now about life. People, yes, real people feel things all the time, love, hate, anger, depression. REAL people can feel these things without art, but people can't accomplish things without these inventions, without the clout to change things. Art is creative expression, but it’s useless. It’s the excrement of troubled minds. It is fat... a sick little show of emotional masturbation.
LILY: How can you feel that way, baby? Do you need to get out of here for a while? You don’t seem well.
VALENTINE: No, we need to talk about some serious subjects, and we’re doing that here. I’m using these machines to make you realize something about yourself. And, NO, I’m not well. I’ve never been well since you’ve known me. I thought you would have picked up on that by now, but then again, I guess if you’re not getting what I’m saying to you about yourself, then you’re probably dumb to that too.
LILY: (Holding her ears) I can’t take you being mean to me. Please stop! You’re the world to me!
VALENTINE: That’s exactly the point... you have nothing else. Does that make you realize anything. Perhaps how different you are than all these people staring at us right now?
LILY: I DON’T CARE, MISTER! And let me tell you what I know to be true. You’re acting like a psychopath over an argument about art!
VALENTINE: No, you have it all wrong, Lily.
LILY: From your perspective maybe. I love art and it has a purpose in that it makes me whole. Inventions maybe too, but it’s just the same thing in a different glass.
VALENTINE: No, it isn't. Art is not useful. They, those machines are useful. You see these things? These things are physical, real, Lily. You can touch them. They, those people, can touch them. Art...
LILY: (Defiant) But sometimes art IS the only way people can communicate, touch each other in a metaphysical. You know what that means, don’t you, EBENEZER! To many people, they are as important as the telephone is for communication.
VALENTINE: (Laughing) Ebenezer, eh? Well let an old skinflint ask you this: Why is that so damn important that they need to communicate what they feel to the world?
LILY: Because they don’t have a world of their own like you. Some people are so alone they need to reach out, our so full of desire to express something they feel so deeply they NEED to communicate it or it will drive them mad. Now Valentine, I want to talk about something else.
VALENTINE: (Startled by her defiance) Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just have strong feelings about some things.
LILY: Yeah, well, you learn something new every day, like the fact that it’s OK for me to have strong feelings as well, dear.
VALENTINE: I’m sorry...I do love you.
LILY: (smiling sadly) Yes, I suppose you do. Sometimes it’s hard, but I have to face the fact that I love you, despite all of this, but I suppose I love how passionate you are. I do, in some way, love everything about you.
VALENTINE: I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. Thank you. We need to talk about that love, though...
LILY: Ahh, Is that the serious stuff you want to talk to me about, why you brought me to this museum, to talk about love?
VALENTINE: Yeah, to show you something.
LILY: I don’t know if I can handle anymore “revelations” today.
VALENTINE: Please bear with me. Do you understand the meaning of these machines? The people that made them had a need, sometimes a desperate need for something. They needed help. They needed help doing something that they couldn't do on their own. Do you understand, Lily?
LILY: (jaded-looking) Yes, I understand. Why are you telling me these things?
VALENTINE: Because something has changed. Our needs have changed, and we have to change with them. You, Lily, have to change. I have to change. Everyone has to change at some points in their lives. If you cannot change you will be destroyed. That is the way things are in the world.
LILY: I don't understand. Be destroyed? How could I be destroyed when I have you. I have you to protect me. I love you.
VALENTINE: Lily, you are n't seeing the point. Our needs have changed.
LILY: (Yelling) I told you! All I need is you!
(VALENTINE falls to the ground in shock. EXTRAS rush around to help him asking if he is ok)
LILY: He’s fine. He’s just an asshole sometimes...
(Everyone ignores LILY and tend to VALENTINE)
LILY: (Breathing hard, starting to cry) Valentine, (in shock) why can’t they hear me? Valentine...?
VALENTINE: Shhh, I’m sorry, baby. I love you. You know that. Just hush. It’s ok.
We should go... We should get out of here... Lets get back into the truck and drive somewhere and rest and think for awhile...
LILY: I want to know what’s going on with me!
VALENTINE: I’ll talk to you about it. Let’s drive to a park and talk about it.
LILY: I don't understand! Why is this happening?! Won't you tell me what is going on?
VALENTINE: Let’s just go to the park, and I will tell you. I will tell you exactly what is going on. Let’s go, love.

Act II Scene 3
(VALENTINE is driving the truck. LILY is crying.)

VALENTINE: Lily, please stop crying. Please stop.
LILY: I can’t! What is going on?!
VALENTINE: Ok, you have a right to know... first I need to tell you a little more about Marcus...
LILY: Why?! Why are you always talking about this Marcus kid?
VALENTINE: I told you, baby. He was a big part of my past.
LILY: (Sniffling, calming down a little) Ok...tell me what you need to tell me, but please then tell me what is going on.
VALENTINE: I will. Marcus, you see...He went to hospital one day not too long ago.
LILY: Why? Was he hurt?
VALENTINE: (Very nervous) Hurt... Yes, he was hurt...hurt in the head. I...uh... he couldn't deal with the world and all of its contradictions anymore. He couldn’t trust anyone. Marcus was tired of all the lies... especially from those who loved him, and he went there with the other unloved people, but (VALENTINE begins to cry) ironically... he met someone there who loved him. He met someone there of all places, Lily.
LILY: I see... your name is not Valentine is it?
VALENTINE: I’ll get to that... I am so sorry that I brought you into this...
LILY: Her name, what was it? TELL ME!
VALENTINE: ...Her name was Lily...
LILY: Oh, like me...I see...
VALENTINE: You don't understand, Lily. They promised we would see each other again, help each other out of this depression, help each other, love. But when I...he called her weeks, she answered the phone after taking so many pills...(Crying) too many pills. She just said, ‘Why can’t people understand?! Why can’t you understand?! I just want to die!
LILY: Oh... and why would she say something like that? I want to live so much I want a life. I want to have children; I want to part of that world! Can’t you understand that, Marcus? (Enraged, hitting VALENTINE) YOU’RE JUST A LIAR! YOU HAVE NO PAST! YOU’RE THE ONE THAT ISN’T REAL, MARCUS! I JUST WANT TO BE A PERSON? CAN’T ANYONE UNDERSTAND THAT? I WANT TO MAKE LOVE LIKE PEOPLE DO! I WANT A LIFE LIKE YOU “SAID” YOU WANTED TO GIVE TO ME!
VALENTINE: Lily, you can't... I am sorry. Lily is dead. She called me her Valentine at the hospital. I am sorry; I don't know what to do...I ...
LILY: (Bawling) JUST SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING LIAR....(crying)...you understand now. I can’t live. You talk about how bad life is, how ugly it is when all I want to do is experience it... fuck you...fuck you...

Act III Scene 1

(At the park. VALENTINE and LILY are sitting on opposite sides of a long park bench looking at each other)

LILY: What did I do wrong? Why don't I get a life like everyone else?
VALENTINE: Lily, you were right. You are your own person. I didn’t know what to do. I never meant to...
LILY: Enough apologizing. You are not God. You are full of mistakes. I used to think you are person, but you’re more messed up than I am.
VALENTINE: Well, I don’t suppose you believe in God anymore... I feel really badly about that...
LILY: Don’t. I still believe in God. He loves me, even if you are questioning your love for me right now.
VALENTINE: I will always love you. I just hate myself right now. Lily, you’re a wonderful person. You’re the perfect partner...
LILY: Just masturbation, Marcus. Just useless art.
VALENTINE: I can be really stupid.
LILY: Yeah, you created me.
VALENTINE: No. I only gave you a place to be. You are much too wonderful for me to have created...
LILY: Stop gushing. It just reminds me that it takes tragedy for you to be sweet to me. Pain rules you.
VALENTINE: You’re right. You’re not dumb. You’re smarter than Marcus, I, ever was.
LILY: Not likely. I think I am the uncorrupted you simply trying to talk you into not hating life so much. I am the Marcus of the lunch table before he caved in and snapped. Perhaps I’m serving a purpose there even.
VALENTINE: It’s not fair. I would give you my body if I could, but I tell you; life has not been kind to me. I know you want to live a normal life, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
LILY: My Valentine, I do love you. I would gone through any pain to feel you close to me, to make love to you, to feel you inside of me just once while you looked into my eyes and made me feel as wonderful as I did just one more time. Don’t insult life to me. If it’s so terrible, pull a “Lily” and off us both.
VALENTINE: I suppose I deserve that. Pain can make good people and bad people. I guess I qualify as the latter at this point.
LILY: Why did you even tell me these things? Why couldn't you let it be the way it was. Why couldn't we have it the way it used to be?
VALENTINE: Change, like I told you...
LILY: But what has changed? Are you tired of me?
VALENTINE: No, never... but there’s something else happening.
LILY: Well, tell me now. I know I haven’t changed. Why are we sitting here sobbing and suffering rather than talking philosophy and symbiosis?
VALENTINE: Because I am changing...
LILY: How?
VALENTINE: Lily, I have met someone.
LILY: ....
VALENTINE: She could never be you, never replace you, but –
LILY: I just suppose having a body would give her an advantage... Do you have an agreement with her too?
VALENTINE: Yes... I’m trying to get better...She’s helping. She loves me, and yes, she is real.
LILY: I don’t know...I think your grip on what is real and unreal is slipping.
VALENTINE: That won’t work, Lily. I know she is. She is flesh and bone.
LILY: Is that what you want?! Flesh?! Is that what you want? The one thing I can’t give to you. The thing I want most to be able to give to you. To express my love to you physically. I can't expresses theat love. At least, not well enough for you.
VALENTINE: I’m human.
LILY: Then I guess I’m not.
VALENTINE: You’re too good to be human.
LILY: That’s a paradox. It’s what I want to be. Enough with the damn gushing over what a saint I am.
VALENTINE: I felt you, your comfort, your love. Please, give me your hand for a moment.
LILY: You won’t feel it.
VALENTINE: I’m hoping you will.
(LILY gives VALENTINE her hand)


It’s been a morning and afternoon,
An evening too, with an uncleared mind
Unable to shake this mental birthquake
Which is kindly ‘round my thoughts entwined.

As much as need prevails
It’s beaten back by this cloud
Gliding over my eyes and in skies
Deeper than my facial shroud.

You make me still and useless now
Pondering the mystery of your brilliant ways,
Snared by your riddle, Stuck in the middle
Of that which you’ve granted me, happier days.

I tell you now in solemn frankness.
Today there are no sounds, no rustling shocks
Of a world in wandering, restless pondering,
No words, no reasons, no bothersome knocks.

For today, my Lily, there are no books,
Not a sky, nor blinding solar sphere.
No mouths to utter, engines to sputter,
Today is only you, you’re all that is here.

LILY: Did you write that for the Lily in the hospital?
VALENTINE: No, I wrote it for the one sitting here, when I first got to know her.
LILY: And you’re only sharing it now?
VALENTINE: Only now I’ve realized how real she really is.
LILY: (Tearing up) Even now you know how to melt me. But what about this other what’s-her-face?
LILY: Yeah, what about her?
VALENTINE: I... need to ask something of you about that.
LILY: What?
VALENTINE: This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Lily, I can’t keep you here anymore.
LILY: What are you going to do to me?
VALENTINE: I have truly loved you...but I am just asking you to go to sleep for a while.
LILY: NO. I don’t want to go to the dark place. I’ve told you about it. Why are you doing this to me?
VALENTINE: Please... I can't do this anymore. I can't live a normal life with you around. I know you have to understand. I want a complete life too. I can’t take care of you anymore. It’s pushing me away from the entire world because the world can’t understand or accept you. Lily...I need this...
LILY: So you are telling me not to exist?! You are telling me to die so you can live?
VALENTINE: I can’t do it. Lily, I never meant it to be this way. Please help me. I love you, but we’ll both die if this keeps up. Please. I never meant to hurt you.
LILY: (Sighing and yielding) I know, my Valentine. It’s okay. I can’t get used to calling you Marcus anyway... All I have known is my love for you; that is all that I am. You needed me. You needed someone to love you. Now I am not necessary anymore...
VALENTINE: I can’t express to you how sorry I am...
LILY: I won’t resist, but I just want a promise from you.
VALENTINE: Anything.
LILY: (Trying to stay composed) You will never forget me. Never give that poem to anyone else and keep it close to remember, to keep me alive somehow in your memory in your writing so I don't have to always be in the dark. You don't always have to leave me in the truck. Please...
VALENTINE: (Crying) I promise...
VALENTINE: Goodnight. God won’t let stay away from this world forever. Please go to sleep now, my love.
(VALENTINE closes LILY’s eyes with his hands and lays her down on the bench)

Act III Scene 2

(VALENTINE /MARCUS meets DEBORAH, a parole officer in Huddle House)

DEBORAH: Well, howdy there, stranger, how have you been?
VALENTINE: I’ve had better days...
DEBORAH: Well, so have I, but we have to keep at it, don’t we?
DEBORAH: Valentine...
DEBORAH: It’s Valentine’s Day...
VALENTINE: Oh... wow...it’s been a year already?
DEBORAH: Year from what, sugar?
DEBORAH: What’s wrong with you, silly? You’re a lucky man!
VALENTINE: How do you mean?
DEBORAH: Well, it’s Valentine’s Day, and as you can see, I’m a lonely, beautiful officer without a date...
VALENTINE: I think I’ve seen a couple of low-budget movies that start a lot like that...
DEBORAH: Ewww! (Laughing) So tell me, you clean this time or do I have to lie for you again, Marcus?
VALENTINE: (smiles) Why do you put up with me?
DEBORAH: Because you’re not like the rest of us. You’re a fluke, and I happen to like you enough to help you along the way a little bit. You’re always going to be different, my Valentine, but that’s why someone’s looking out for you.
VALENTINE: Apparently I can’t do it alone.
DEBORAH: Who can? God helps me. I’m really tight with God, you know. We’re buddies.
VALENTINE: I know what you mean...perhaps not the Black Baptist way of looking at it, but I know of a benevolent force that is always out there when you need it, reminding you that you are not alone even in a crowd of strangers...
DEBORAH: Yeah, I’ve got room for all of that too, but I just keep things simple so I can focus on work.
VALENTINE: But don’t you want to know truth?
DEBORAH: Honey, truth is staring right back at me right now.
VALENTINE: How do you mean?
DEBORAH: Yeah, there you go again with your overanalyzing...
VALENTINE: Perhaps everyone else is under-analyzing.
DEBORAH: You’re cute; you really are... So why don’t you take me to your place and we can talk about it, oh wise one.
VALENTINE: HA-HA. You’re lucky. I just cleaned the dashboard.
DEBORAH: Lucky me, a parole officer in deep, merciless love with one of her parolees. Lucky you; you didn’t go to the cooler, they would have eaten your sensitive poet ass to the bone and then sucked the marrow out.
VALENTINE: So why are you in love with a homeless drug addict. Why would you take care of such a liability.
DEBORAH: Ha! I’m not taking care of you, you silly fool. I’m just going to love you and help you get a job, then you’ll pay the bills while I take a vacation from this job for a month with my manservant giving me massages... which, by the way, I’m expecting one tonight after our romantic dinner at Domino’s because I know you don’t have the money to pay for it, sugar.
VALENTINE: Yes, officer.... I never thought I would end up with a dominatrix. You going to bring your blackjack?
DEBORAH: Well, at least I know I have a man who knows what he’s talking about...
VALENTINE: Deb... may I go...
DEBORAH: What? Don’t want to go on a date?
VALENTINE: No, I mean yes, but I meant to say, may I go home with you tonight?
DEBORAH: What’s wrong?
VALENTINE: I can’t... do this anymore. I need you. I need you to take care of me, but I don’t financially. I need you to keep me straight. I can’t go back into the cold. I just... let go of it all... let go of someone who I couldn’t let go of, that I should have let go of when I lost her long ago.
DEBORAH: I noticed you lacked your normal spunk. You’ve never told me that before. Why don’t you talk to me about it...over dinner?
VALENTINE: You’re an angel and a saint... which I suppose would make you some kind of super angel saint...
DEBORAH: (Smiling) You’re charming... and as impractical as it is to a practical person, I love you.
VALENTINE: ... I love you too.
DEBORAH: ...Lucky me. I kind of figured though. You were always early to our meetings.
VALENTINE: You were too!
DEBORAH: Yes... but I’m a professional. You’re an intellectual off in la-la land most of the time. It must have been a real effort for you to get here on time, let alone early.
VALENTINE: Professional woman indeed! You’re in love with that intellectual!
DEBORAH: Oh, touche. I guess it’s because you make me think when I’m not working but, most importantly and frustratingly, you make me feel when I am working... the time I tell myself not to feel too much for people.
VALENTINE: I guess that’s symbiosis then...
DEBORAH: (Laughing) Yeah, you could call it that. You see, you’re smart, you need to get out there with ideas.
VALENTINE: Nah, I just had the help of someone smarter than me. These ideas, I got them from her?
VALENTINE: Someone I used to know, who had a tragically short life.
DEBORAH: Well, apparently it was meaningful if she affected you so much, baby.
VALENTINE: Yes... (smiles) It was. And I’m going to prove to you how much it did for me. I’m going to get my shit straight. I’m going to make it because she would have wanted me to. I’m not going to dwell in her grave with her anymore. I’m going to love her by moving forward.
DEBORAH: You’d be scaring me right now if I didn’t know how you are. Calm down a tad. We’ll take it step by step. I’m glad to see you so motivated though.
VALENTINE: Will you be my Valentine?
DEBORAH: Jesus, baby, I’m a government worker... Let’s skip all that red tape!
(They kiss)
VALENTINE: Ok, Deb, it’ll be dinner and a wonderful massage. But I have to ask...
VALENTINE: Do I get any kind of... well reciprocation from this situation?
DEBORAH: I’m sure you’ll get a tip... A creative, intelligent, passionate person like yourself would have to try pretty hard to ruin a massage... but you’re not going to get too lucky though.
DEBORAH: Because you’re going to get your ass up to look for a job early tomorrow morning, sugar.


ACT III Scene 3

(At the rock overlooking the town several months later. It is twilight and the beautiful colors are running all over the ocean)

DEBORAH: What are you thinking?
VALENTINE: I’m thinking I have a severe case of deja vu. I feel like someone else is here... Someone I knew. She’s near me.
DEBORAH: You still don’t talk about her.
VALENTINE: It’s hard.
DEBORAH: I know. But there is someone here with us.
VALENTINE: What do you mean?
DEBORAH: Mark, I’m pregnant.
VALENTINE: (gasping) I... I’m...
DEBORAH: NOT sorry, baby. This is what I’ve wanted more than anything in the world. I want a piece of both of us together running around out here. I want this.
VALENTINE:... I just don’t know what to say.
DEBORAH: You don’t have to say anything. I’ve conceived from my soul mate.
I’m fine. I’m just wondering what you’re going to do.
VALENTINE: Well, I had planned a much better time to ask, but now... Deb, will you marry... me?
DEBORAH: That’s about the stupidest question in the world, and it is the one that I have been waiting to answer.... of course, baby. You got your feet back on the ground and then managed to teach me how to fly up there in la-la land with you. Well, all I’m saying is I want to live in la-la land for the rest of my days.
VALENTINE: I can’t even tell you how wonderful that sounds, but I feel... I feel something strange.
DEBORAH: Maybe you’re friend is watching over us from heaven, dear.
VALENTINE: Wait... how much do you know about the pregnancy?
DEBORAH: I know you’re going to be a minority now, babe!
VALENTINE: But I’m white...
DEBORAH: It’s a girl so hah! (Smiling)
VALENTINE: A girl... (smiles and begins to laugh...)
DEBORAH: What, you been using again, babe?
VALENTINE: No... it’s nothing. I just think I believe in a God, even if one of his preferred methods is serendipity.
DEBORAH: Well, I’m glad to hear that! It’s lonely in church without you! Honey, what do you want to name our baby girl?
VALENTINE: Lily... I think we’re going to have to name her Lily. I’ve always liked that name...

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Monday, January 2nd, 2006

Subject:The Undiscovered Country
Time:12:04 am.
My play is coming along very nicely with the help of a wonderful friend. We watched K-Pax tonight. Kevin Spacey really has never been in a bad movie. He's good. He reminds me of Robin Williams. Maybe they are friends. My movement is getting some momentum and I'm feeling a lot better. I just more people to talk to about the movement.

Once more unto the breach!
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Friday, December 23rd, 2005

Time:9:39 am.
Somtimes I don't understand my parents. They think it is their mission to bring me into this life and give me every thing they wanted when they were a child and not let me develope naturally into a person. Sometimes I think that the act of having children is selfish, to establish an extension of self. Remote tentacles we have become sometimes. I suppose this sounds like complaining about my parents in a childish manner, but the fact remains that pain grows and blooms while they smile and get their way. The juxtaposition of these opposing ideas drives people to do things both beautiful and ugly I suppose, depending on how well developed a person's empathy has become. Being the stock character never really appealed to me. I'm going to shine beyond the emotional retardation and fear of people who can't just let go of their petty prejudices. If they could only feel the warm liberation of letting go...pitiful. I suppose this is anger or sorrow or arrogance, but the same could be said of the source of the problem. I love them them despite what they do. Ah well. это жизнь! C'est la vie! Daß ist leben! Esta Vita!
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Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005

Time:7:21 am.
I've been away for a long time. Now, I'm back and I really want to share something to the world. I want to change some things. The world is going a really sad way I think, at least in American culture. I have a new idea, and I'm going to make it work. I will share it with you soon.
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Tuesday, February 8th, 2005

Time:12:26 am.
1. Meiosis

“ I thought we had an agreement," Lily said as she stared at the bottle of
kiwi-strawberry juice wrapped in a bag on the dashboard, “Valentine, are you
listening to me?"
“Yes, dear, I’m always listening to you.” He smiled and winked looking at her reflection in the rearview mirror.
“Well? Didn’t we have an agreement, love?” she asked in a falling tone as she stared back into his eyes in the mirror.
“That’s why I left you in the car...” he replied coldly with an invisible curdle of guilt wafting in his belly. He held his face in his hands for a moment. Then, Valentine reached for the kiwi-strawberry juice that he had left the car and Lily for a moment to obtain.
To Lily, it had been an eternity.
“ I know what you've been doing and I don’t like it one whit, baby." she said looking out of the tinted window of the truck, holding her frustration inside.
For a brief moment their eyes seemed to meet in between their faces.
“Adopt, adapt, and improve...”he muttered.
“Oh, I see, so I guess that’s your esoteric way of saying ‘tough titty’, huh?”
The air itself became a pause that smallest of moments as her anger took shape, shaking the atmosphere in frisson-like pulses
At this expression, he readily bowed and acknowledged her ire. He drew a breath and held her hand close to his racing heart. She exhaled as he inhaled, feeling the union of their minds in this small brown truck parked in front of a convenient store under the metallic clouds of a brewing storm.
“Lily, listen to me now.” he whispered.
“You needn’t ask me, baby of mine. I’m always listening to you.”
“Try hard to understand. I know you can,”he said.
“I’m not saying that to you, I’m saying it to myself, babe.”
“Adopt, adapt, and improve?” she queried.
“Yes...sometimes we want to and even have to, I mean must live by different rules when we realize that we are different people, he said, putting the tiny paper square into his mouth.
She nodded quickly.
“I know,” she said,” and that’s why I don’t tell you to stop but secretly, desperately wish you would. Of course you’re not going to stop until you find something else to satisfy your curiosities
“ Lily, you know thoroughly that you are my savior. We're tied together by
fate's careful hand. I wouldn't be here if it were not for you," he lulled in a
gravelly voice.
If only she could blush.
Valentine smiled. He put the key into the ignition and backed his old white,
rusted-yellow, truck out of the parking space, showered by the azure sun above
as they joined with the living river of traffic.
“Symbiosis," Lilly softly, happily whimpered as she look at the puffy fluid
white clouds in the baby blue pool of sky above.
Valentine was busy. He placed the square on his tongue and breathed placidly.
“Valentine, VALENTINE! Please, are you listening to me?!”She stammered.
“You should know that I am, sweetheart. We're so very, very close, you and I.
I'm just different from you-“
Yes, different in that I am able to focus on many things at once," Valentine
explained. For example, I can talk to you and watch the road with all the other
cars and drivers at the same time."
“ Ok, what did I say then?" Lily inquired raising an eyebrow.
Valentine smiled.
“Go on," Lily said.
“You didn't say anything else."
Lily laughed and giggled, “No, silly, what do you think? What does your big
ALMIGHTY brain have to say about it?"
Like a child's eyes, Valentine's rolled in giddy pleasure.
“You know what I think about that," he uttered.
“Yes, but, love, I just+want to hear you say it. Tell me what you think about
that. Tell me everything," she lapsed and collapsed into a dream.
“I know, love. And that's why I'm going to say it. I'll say it the best way I
can with these silly cords and organs. I think it's beautiful. It's strange that
such an awesome concept has so few words to describe it. I know you're thinking
I'm going to forget you, sweety, but I won't, I can't, my very being and design.
You're part of my life, Lily. You are both how and why I exist in this
dichotomy." Valentine said as he swallowed half-choked on emotion.
Lily let the tears roll from her eyes. She was enthralled, enchanted by his
commitment to her. She cried often over this idea for as much happiness as
uncanny sorrow- sorrow for her fear of his ever leaving her as well as for pity
of all things-pity for him. She knew him, through and through. There was a whole
world out there in that place called yonder, one he desperately, with every
nerve shaking and trembling, to be a part of, but he was just here. Only here.
Only her. She could feel his frustration and anxiety like a bedeviled frisson
rumbling like a fissure encrypted in his crooked, callous spine and soul. If
anything she had to offer him, the world, or for her own benefit, she had an
almost quintessential sense of empathy, especially for him. She lurched and
ached and tightened her desire; the concept that she could teach him her empathy
and feel peace for the both of them. Such an aspiration burnt and sharply shined
in her mind pouring a warm, warming, comfortable, comforting haze of
wonder-thunder, sharply blading through the emptiness of her thoughts.
Symbiosis!" She laughed.
Yep," Valentine muttered.
He knew she was afraid. He felt some pity but continued on with no unbearable
amount of guilt building up in his conscience. She'll make it through.
Two beings depending on one another for something they need to exist," she
“Yeah", replied Valentine.
“Do you think it's an-an-an-alguous, analogous with love?" she stuttered.
“What? An analogous analysis?" he joked.
She didn't mind him poking at her quirks. It was natural, an act of play and,
above all, love. He, on the other side, loved her quirks. They were cute, human,
and made him think of himself.
In a way, he considered it an act of making love. There was a push-pull texture
to it, combined effort of wear and tear, teases and tears, bringing around newly
spawn and found ideas of love, pleasure, and leisure.
He sensed her frustration both hating and adoring her devotion to him. These
thoughts were entwined in these feelings of love and compassion for her. He had
love, but not passion for her as she had for him, but it was necessary for her
to have it for him. It had always been necessary to make it work.
I think that's funny," she mused.
That you, masculine, focus on many things at once when it's a female trait,
yet I focus on one thing and that's usually a masculine trait," she
There you go! You held that thought throughout our conversation! You can focus
on two thoughts at once! That's how you do it. I'm so proud of you, Lily!" he
Hold on, now. I'm scanning my thoughts. Yes! I can do it. Do you know what
this means?" Lily was bouncing with excitement.
“Oh shit!" Valentine shrank back in horror, What if you can do it when I'm not
around? Would you leave me and our symbiosis?"
Lily looked around and felt alone for a moment, one of those few moments when
she, SHE was in control,
“Baby you know I'll never EVER do anything to hurt you. You're my world. You're my reason to be here," Lily pleaded..
Valentine felt a little comfort. To him, the words sounded true.
“ I trust you, Lily, and I want to tell you something else as well,"he started.
She looked deep into his eyes and paid close attention akin to being told a story as a child. Her innocence spread around her like the invisible feathers of a peacock, long, strained, natural, strange, and enchantingly beautiful.
He remained silent for a moment. The thoughts were circling some new momentum
in his wired mire of a mind.
I want to give you something. I want to thank you for helping me, for talking
to me, for living this life with me so that I would not have to be alone!"
Valentine began to sob. His eyes crinkled with an enraged inability to express
his idea and perform his action.
Lily trembled. Her thoughts were clear and numb, palpitating. Overcome,
overloaded, overwhelmed, she had nothing to say.
“The music is beautiful watching you needing me, watching you loving me now,"
she actually sang in a low lullaby as they cried together.
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Saturday, October 30th, 2004

Time:10:38 pm.
A duality of thought has preceeded this, but whatever we decide, I have written this for Cassandra...

It lends itself to madness, this my frailty and my fortune. Conjunctive as bonds may be, there develops the wholeness by which I thrive. For so fluid is this, thy wayward rays and swivelling, swirling power of thy love, that it steals into my blood itself. And borne to the golden braided air of auditory simenology, is a delicate rivet within the petals of a higher flower than all the sun could cause to dry and wither. Such is this a quaint and careful testament to the tantamounts of yours, a beauty, an intoxicating music, an everlasting energy, a powerful whisper in the long silent road of being.

Think of you.
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